Two Wheel Blogs

Fathers Day is rapidly approaching and I am sure you would all like to run out and purchase a gift for me. The trouble everyone has is answering the question of what to buy....or perhaps you are reading this to get ideas on what to give to the cyclist/dad in *your* life.

Well I would love to help. I have some ideas to help you to *not* purchase the cycling equivalent of a bad tie that will soon be relegated to the back of the closet and quickly forgotten.

Idea one: LBS trinkets. Many Fathers Day shoppers make the mistake of heading out to the LBS and purchasing some twenty dollar (or less) trinket. The problem with items like this is your cyclist would already have one if he wanted it...you are not going to discover anything in the LBS under 20 bucks that he wants that he does not also already have.

Idea two: Bling. Many fathers I know have lots of little shinny bits on their bike that do not really do much. If you envision a graph of "eye-catch factor" plotted horizontally against "times used per ride" plotted vertically you will clearly see "relative bling" based on its location on the plot.

Observe the chart below.

Lets discuss this plot a bit shall we?

Here we see that in the lower left you have a utilitarian chain keeper in the moderate bling portion of the plot. Lets call this area "Stealth bling". It is cool because it actually serves a function, and a lot of pros use them, but few of his friends would ever notice it (ergo "stealth").

In the upper right we see colorful tires (anything that is not plain old black) which are also moderate bling. So, we envision a diagonal line connecting the areas held by the colored tires and the chain keeper which defines the average bling threshold. By either adding additional flash, or by making the item less useful, we can cross this threshold into the maximal bling area.

In efforts to keep things simple I omitted the third dimension that this plot really needs. The third dimension is "cost". To be truly maximal bling, the item should cost more than it is worth (preferably exponentially) This would be a decent example (A brightly colored chain keeper that will cost you over 50 bucks to get to your door).

The astute observer may point out that the tubes are shown to have some eye catch factor on this plot...that is due to the unexplained phenomena over the past few years for tube manufacturers to use brightly colored valve caps (perhaps in effort to mask the declining product quality). Personally I discard these things, but I am noticing more and more riders color coordinating the valve caps with their other bling.

Does the idea of a three dimensional plot of relative bling where maximal bling is achieved by maximizing cost, minimizing utility, and maximizing gaudiness confuse you? Good it should, this exercise is intended to dissuade you from trying to buy bling...it is poorly understood and if you use too much bling, you cross over into "poser"...see how tricky this is?

Most guys will appreciate some bling, and because it is expensive, seldom used and silly he might not have bought it for himself already...but there is always that possibility that he has and you just never noticed it (which is a truly sad case...un-noticed bling). Either way, lets call it an example of what not to do just to be safe.

Idea three: Fuel. Every cyclist dad needs fuel to ride, and we all know that a way to mans heart is food. Treat the Dad in your life to a fine meal.

Sure there is the possibility that he is a serious cyclist on some silly diet so you will want to consider the following; Will a decadent meal, under the guise of a gift be received well and enjoyed thoroughly? If so, embrace the opportunity remind him that even a Ferrari needs a grease job once in a while. Follow this up with a challenge to get off his lazy ass this Fathers Day and ride off the calories he is enjoying!

What cyclist dad would not appreciate a great meal? Additionally, you get to enjoy it too. Chances are he will be even happier knowing that you enjoyed the celebration with him.

Hope there is something in here that works for you this Fathers Day. If not...hey, do not blame me, you are the one that waited til Friday afternoon (or later) before Fathers Day and then choose to read my blog for ideas! That said, any self respecting cyclist/dad should be thrilled to simply enjoy a bike ride on his day! Have him give me a call, and we can roll together!

Enjoy the weekend!